I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
