I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
