I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
