Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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