the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
