i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
