im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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