i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My ATM looks so different sober.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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