whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
