remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
