I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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