It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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