Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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