She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
