I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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