I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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