Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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