Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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