she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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