I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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