No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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