i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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