I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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