I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
