...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
