he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
