somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
