dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
