Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
