Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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