u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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