Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
