how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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