I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
