I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
