i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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