Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
