walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
