his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
