Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
