Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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