No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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