i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
