I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
