If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
