Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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