I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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