It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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