I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dick very happy bro
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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