If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
