Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
