Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
