Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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