My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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