Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
