ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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