Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
