That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
