That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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