Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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