so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
how does that bad decision feel?
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