he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
