She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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