Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
