White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
