There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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