I can text with my tongue
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
