there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
