im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
