At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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