we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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