I hate all girls vehemently.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
