I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
