just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
