you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
