You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
