I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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