I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
