he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
