My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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