The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
