Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
