You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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