sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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