I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
