she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
