You just made me feel so damn special
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
