I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
