Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
