He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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