he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
