dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
